I am going to write about something today, that I don't speak of often. It is my religion. I'm a Mormon. Yes, it my come as a surprise to many, but to those of you to whom it comes as a surprise, it is truth. This weekend I have had the opportunity to listen to General Conference. It happens twice a year. Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, speak to its' members. As I was listening to President Boyd K. Packer yesterday, the words of his poem, "Unfinished Composition," spoke to my heart. These are the words:
Unfinished Composition
I had a thought the other night;A thought profound and deep.It came when I was too worn down,Too tired to go to sleep.I'd had a very busy dayAnd pondered on my fate.The thought was this:When I was young, I wasn't sixty-eight!I could walk without a limp;I had no shoulder pain.I could read a line through twiceAnd quote it back again.I could work for endless hoursAnd hardly stop to breathe.And things that now I cannot doI mastered then with ease.If I could now turn back the years,If that were mine to choose,I would not barter age for youth,I have too much to lose.I am quite content to move ahead;To yield my youth, however grand.The thing I'd lose if I went backIs what I understand.Ten years have flown to who knows whereAnd with them much of pain.A metal hip erased my limp;I walk quite straight again.Another plate holds neck bones fast—A wonderful creation!It backed my polio away;I've joined the stiff-necked generation.The signs of aging can be seen,Those things will not get better.The only thing that grows in strengthWith me is my forgetter.You ask, Do I remember you?Of course, you're much the same.Now don't go getting all upset—I don't recall your name.I would agree I've learned some thingsI did not want to know,But age has brought those precious truthsThat make the Spirit grow.Of all the blessings that have come,The best thing in my lifeIs the comfort and encouragementI get from my dear wife.Our children all have married well,With families of their own.With children and grandchildren,How soon they all have grown.I have not changed my mind one bitAbout regaining youth.We're meant to age, for with itComes a knowledge of the truth.You ask, What will the future bring?Just what will be my fate?We'll go along and not complain.Ask when I'm eighty-eight!
What touched me most profoundly were the words, "I'm quite content to move ahead; to yield my youth however grand. The thing I'd lose if I went back is what I'd unerstand."
I'm coming up on the 5th anniversary of the event, my heart attack, that spun a chain of events that forever changed my life. I have many moments when I wish that had never happened, but in looking back, I've realized that those events have made me who I am today.
When it was all first happening, my ex and I did our best to pretend that it had never happened. We then made the mistake of thinking that things could be the same. HUGE MISTAKE. You can't go through a monumental experience and come out unscathed or unchanged. You have to let go of what once was and embrace the new you. I've come to learn in 5 years, that my life isn't what it once was. However, it is better. I am stronger and I am wiser and I wouldn't change the past for I now understand.
I'm not a perfect Mormon. I make mistakes all the time. I don't go to church every week. I fall short on a daily basis. What I do know is this. I'm a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. I know that he allows things to happen in our lives so that we can learn and grow. I don't pretend to know the meaning of all things, but I know HE loves me and is watching over me. I have come to realize that I am blessed beyond measure and that I have a Savior who knows exactly what I'm feeling when it all seems to much.
Life is a gift and I intend to keep living and learning.
