I'm not good at this blog thing :) It is hard for me to take the time to sit down and actually right. I think mostly because I don't want to post anything that sounds too negative. I try to stay upbeat and positive and to not discuss the fact that I'm having an impossible time; especially when I know that there are others who are far worse off than I am.
I know Jane must be smiling down from heaven and so very happy that her precious little boy Elijah, my nephew, is doing so well with his liver transplant. He is still in the hospital, but doctors are hopeful he will be home by the end of the week. He sounds very good when I talk to him on the phone. He is definitely loving his new liver.
Elijah's sister, Sophia, had a very difficult day today. She was sad most of the day missing her mommy and wishing her mommy could be with her this Christmas Day. The only words I could say as she was crying on the phone were, "Mommy loves you very much. Mommy is looking down on you and watching over you every minute of every day." I'm not sure they brought much comfort, but a family member texted me and said, "Sophia is smiling now and she loves hearing your voice." Words that brought comfort, but also broke my heart. How I want to be in NC to let her know just how much I love her!
I worked last night and it was a great night. I realize as I take care of patients just how blessed I really am. I love what I do and feel it a blessing and privilege to be able to take care of patients at such difficult times. The one good thing about work is that I am able to take my mind off of things and get lost in caring for others.
In small talk this morning towards the end of the shift one of my coworkers asked me what I was doing? I asked him, "What do you mean?"  He said he had heard I was moving and I said probably not until I go to CRNA school. He asked me when and where I was going and I explained that I hope to be going back to UPenn where I was going when I had my heart attack, but then I explained I have to think of other things before I decide though...meaning my niece and nephew. One of the resident physicians then said, "Just do it! Go now or you'll always keep putting it off."
I had never really thought about that...but it's been 3 years now and here I am in the same place. I need to get on with my life and accept that though things are different I have the whole world in front of me and it is my life to live. Of course, this resident doesn't know all that's happened in the past 3 years....but does that really matter. It doesn't matter, I guess, but I've been pretending that it does matter. All that matters is today and getting on with things and that's what I have to do. I have wanted to go to Penn forever and I was there once and I have to believe I can get back.
This is a random posting I guess, but to all who read this, know that I hope you have had the Merriest of Christmas's. This time of year is a time to reflect and be grateful for the things which are truly important...family and friends. Hold onto what you have because you truly don't know when it will be gone. Life can change in the blink of an eye. And life is much too precious to waste time and to leave things unsaid. So live your lives treasuring on a daily basis those blessings you do have :)
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year...